Whateverland: Learning to Live Here
Whateverland: Learning to Live Here
Overview
From the Authors: Directions to Whateverland1. Depart: Shame. Leave it behind and never go back.2. Flip through the front of the book and read the alternate definition of "whatever." Make sure when you read it that you pronounce the word this way: "What-EVVV-er."3. Flip through the book and look at spectacular photos of young Alexis and Jennifer as they grew up. Be sure not to miss the photo of Alexis running naked in a field as a toddler (p. 122) and Jennifer's giant prom hair and dress (p. 213). Then go back to the beginning of the book.4. Read through Introduction and make sure you're clear about the fact that this is a funny un-self-help self-help book that's going to help you more than an actual self-help book because it's not going to try to change you. Whateverland was written to get you to accept yourself even if you are a disorganized semi-hoarder, a Pop Tart eater, or someone who firmly believes in sex on the first date.5. Arrive: "What the Hell is Homekeeping?" Ponder the miseries of having a houseguest, being a houseguest, and having workmen (hot or, mostly, not) use your bathroom. Check out Jennifer's safe side of the bed theory and Alexis' explanation for why she is the way she is (being forced to leave New York City at a young age for a house in the wilds of Westport, Connecticut, in which the doors had no doorknobs).6. Depart: Homekeeping chapter. Arrive: "Does Talking to Pop-Tarts Mean You're Crazy?" Don't actually answer that question because Jenny and Alexis fight about it and about other food and eating-related topics, including chicken fingers, children's menus in restaurants, and when people go out to dinner in restaurants but don't order anything because they say they're not hungry even though it's really because they're dieting.7. Depart: Food chapter. Arrive: "Getting Married in a Gray Flannel Suit." See the photo that proves Alexis actually did get married in a gray flannel suit (complete with a priceless expression on Martha's face) and read how her honeymoon was the beginning of the end of her marriage. Listen to Jenny explain her "Irresistibility-to-Annoyingness Ratio" relationship survival theory. Leave chapter with a new and profound respect for the fact that any relationships ever work out and that you're not the only one who's crazy when it comes to dating and connecting in romantic relationships that often end in cheating.8. Rest stop. Take a few minutes to look at more pictures. Consider the photo of Alexis proudly holding one of her first pastry masterpieces (p. 207), Jenny-in-pigtails eating a giant candy apple (p. 28), the letter from Martha to Alexis at summer camp (p. 128), or the photo of Barbra Streisand enjoying Christmas with Jenny (p. 143).9. Back on the road. Depart: Marriage and Relationships chapter. Arrive: "Not a Hoarder, Still a Slob." This is one of those chapters you secretly bought the book for because it contains Alexis' secrets for organizing her home and closets.10. Enough with the cleaning and organizing. Back to sex. Arrive: "Should Sex Ever Involve Food?" Spoiler alert: No. Feel free to sleep with this chapter on the first date! It's that good.11. Depart: Sex and Dating chapter (no guilt or apologies necessary). Arrive: "Wrapping Your Own Christmas Presents." Read Alexis' and Jenny’s epic, screamingly funny tales of growing up dysfunctional! Feel the full power of Whateverland start to take effect. You're not the only one who had a crazy childhood and a dysfunctional family. Important travel tip: don't forget the tissues—there's some wonderfully weepy stuff here.12. Hungry? Perfect timing. Arrive: "What Do You Mean You 'Can't' Cook?" Understand how having Martha Stewart teach you and your friends how to cook while wearing little child-sized toques in your own house would probably have had a profound impact on you, too. And learn that some people think chicken on a Caesar salad is right (Jennifer) and some people think chicken on a Caesar salad is very very wrong (Alexis). Drool over a selection of Alexis' recipes, including the one for chocolate chip cookies she came up with at the age of thirteen.13. Travel alert: Ignore all signs for off ramps to Guilt. They will take you back to Shame and delay your journey.14. Arrive: "Drawing the Line at Fat Elbows." Another spoiler alert: Jenny did, and she lost over 70 pounds and changed her life. Body Image and Weight Loss chapter highlights include their unisex Rules for Looking Presentable and Not Repulsing People.15. Depart Body Image/Weight Loss. Arrive: Chapter 9: "The Devil Wore Palazzo Pants." You can certainly get fashion advice here but really, the highlight is the pictures. Hi. Freakin’. Larious.16. Prepare for final stop in WHATEVERLAND: "You're Only as Sick as Your Secrets." This amazing chapter catalogues Alexis’s and Jennifer's deepest, darkest secrets and personality quirks which should prove to you that learning to accept yourself for who you are -- however imperfect and odd you might be -- is the only way to go through the rest of your life.17. Park, check in, unpack your bags. You're going to like WHATEVERLAND and you won't want to go anywhere else. Enjoy.Description
Condition Guidelines
Books - New and Used
The following guidelines apply to books:
- New: A brand-new copy with cover and original protective wrapping intact. Books with markings of any kind on the cover or pages, books marked as "Bargain" or "Remainder," or with any other labels attached, may not be listed as New condition.
- Used - Good: All pages and cover are intact (including the dust cover, if applicable). Spine may show signs of wear. Pages may include limited notes and highlighting. May include "From the library of" labels. Shrink wrap, dust covers, or boxed set case may be missing. Item may be missing bundled media.
- Used - Acceptable: All pages and the cover are intact, but shrink wrap, dust covers, or boxed set case may be missing. Pages may include limited notes, highlighting, or minor water damage but the text is readable. Item may but the dust cover may be missing. Pages may include limited notes and highlighting, but the text cannot be obscured or unreadable.
Note: Some electronic material access codes are valid only for one user. For this reason, used books, including books listed in the Used – Like New condition, may not come with functional electronic material access codes.
Shipping & Delivery
Shipping Fees
- Stevens Books offers FREE SHIPPING everywhere in the United States for ALL non-book orders, and $3.99 for each book.
- Packages are shipped from Monday to Friday.
- No additional fees and charges.
Delivery Times
The usual time for processing an order is 24 hours (1 business day), but may vary depending on the availability of products ordered. This period excludes delivery times, which depend on your geographic location.
Estimated delivery times:
- Standard Shipping: 5-8 business days
- Expedited Shipping: 3-5 business days
Shipping method varies depending on what is being shipped.
Tracking
All orders are shipped with a tracking number. Once your order has left our warehouse, a confirmation e-mail with a tracking number will be sent to you. You will be able to track your package at all times.
Damaged Parcel
If your package has been delivered in a PO Box, please note that we are not responsible for any damage that may result (consequences of extreme temperatures, theft, etc.).
If you have any questions regarding shipping or want to know about the status of an order, please contact us or email to support@stevensbooks.com.
Returns & Refunds
You may return most items within 30 days of delivery for a full refund.
To be eligible for a return, your item must be unused and in the same condition that you received it. It must also be in the original packaging.
Several types of goods are exempt from being returned. Perishable goods such as food, flowers, newspapers or magazines cannot be returned. We also do not accept products that are intimate or sanitary goods, hazardous materials, or flammable liquids or gases.
Additional non-returnable items:
- Gift cards
- Downloadable software products
- Some health and personal care items
To complete your return, we require a tracking number, which shows the items which you already returned to us.
There are certain situations where only partial refunds are granted (if applicable)
- Book with obvious signs of use
- CD, DVD, VHS tape, software, video game, cassette tape, or vinyl record that has been opened
- Any item not in its original condition, is damaged or missing parts for reasons not due to our error
- Any item that is returned more than 30 days after delivery
Items returned to us as a result of our error will receive a full refund,some returns may be subject to a restocking fee of 7% of the total item price, please contact a customer care team member to see if your return is subject. Returns that arrived on time and were as described are subject to a restocking fee.
Items returned to us that were not the result of our error, including items returned to us due to an invalid or incomplete address, will be refunded the original item price less our standard restocking fees.
If the item is returned to us for any of the following reasons, a 15% restocking fee will be applied to your refund total and you will be asked to pay for return shipping:
- Item(s) no longer needed or wanted.
- Item(s) returned to us due to an invalid or incomplete address.
- Item(s) returned to us that were not a result of our error.
You should expect to receive your refund within four weeks of giving your package to the return shipper, however, in many cases you will receive a refund more quickly. This time period includes the transit time for us to receive your return from the shipper (5 to 10 business days), the time it takes us to process your return once we receive it (3 to 5 business days), and the time it takes your bank to process our refund request (5 to 10 business days).
If you need to return an item, please Contact Us with your order number and details about the product you would like to return. We will respond quickly with instructions for how to return items from your order.
Shipping Cost
We'll pay the return shipping costs if the return is a result of our error (you received an incorrect or defective item, etc.). In other cases, you will be responsible for paying for your own shipping costs for returning your item. Shipping costs are non-refundable. If you receive a refund, the cost of return shipping will be deducted from your refund.
Depending on where you live, the time it may take for your exchanged product to reach you, may vary.
If you are shipping an item over $75, you should consider using a trackable shipping service or purchasing shipping insurance. We don’t guarantee that we will receive your returned item.
Overview
From the Authors: Directions to Whateverland1. Depart: Shame. Leave it behind and never go back.2. Flip through the front of the book and read the alternate definition of "whatever." Make sure when you read it that you pronounce the word this way: "What-EVVV-er."3. Flip through the book and look at spectacular photos of young Alexis and Jennifer as they grew up. Be sure not to miss the photo of Alexis running naked in a field as a toddler (p. 122) and Jennifer's giant prom hair and dress (p. 213). Then go back to the beginning of the book.4. Read through Introduction and make sure you're clear about the fact that this is a funny un-self-help self-help book that's going to help you more than an actual self-help book because it's not going to try to change you. Whateverland was written to get you to accept yourself even if you are a disorganized semi-hoarder, a Pop Tart eater, or someone who firmly believes in sex on the first date.5. Arrive: "What the Hell is Homekeeping?" Ponder the miseries of having a houseguest, being a houseguest, and having workmen (hot or, mostly, not) use your bathroom. Check out Jennifer's safe side of the bed theory and Alexis' explanation for why she is the way she is (being forced to leave New York City at a young age for a house in the wilds of Westport, Connecticut, in which the doors had no doorknobs).6. Depart: Homekeeping chapter. Arrive: "Does Talking to Pop-Tarts Mean You're Crazy?" Don't actually answer that question because Jenny and Alexis fight about it and about other food and eating-related topics, including chicken fingers, children's menus in restaurants, and when people go out to dinner in restaurants but don't order anything because they say they're not hungry even though it's really because they're dieting.7. Depart: Food chapter. Arrive: "Getting Married in a Gray Flannel Suit." See the photo that proves Alexis actually did get married in a gray flannel suit (complete with a priceless expression on Martha's face) and read how her honeymoon was the beginning of the end of her marriage. Listen to Jenny explain her "Irresistibility-to-Annoyingness Ratio" relationship survival theory. Leave chapter with a new and profound respect for the fact that any relationships ever work out and that you're not the only one who's crazy when it comes to dating and connecting in romantic relationships that often end in cheating.8. Rest stop. Take a few minutes to look at more pictures. Consider the photo of Alexis proudly holding one of her first pastry masterpieces (p. 207), Jenny-in-pigtails eating a giant candy apple (p. 28), the letter from Martha to Alexis at summer camp (p. 128), or the photo of Barbra Streisand enjoying Christmas with Jenny (p. 143).9. Back on the road. Depart: Marriage and Relationships chapter. Arrive: "Not a Hoarder, Still a Slob." This is one of those chapters you secretly bought the book for because it contains Alexis' secrets for organizing her home and closets.10. Enough with the cleaning and organizing. Back to sex. Arrive: "Should Sex Ever Involve Food?" Spoiler alert: No. Feel free to sleep with this chapter on the first date! It's that good.11. Depart: Sex and Dating chapter (no guilt or apologies necessary). Arrive: "Wrapping Your Own Christmas Presents." Read Alexis' and Jenny’s epic, screamingly funny tales of growing up dysfunctional! Feel the full power of Whateverland start to take effect. You're not the only one who had a crazy childhood and a dysfunctional family. Important travel tip: don't forget the tissues—there's some wonderfully weepy stuff here.12. Hungry? Perfect timing. Arrive: "What Do You Mean You 'Can't' Cook?" Understand how having Martha Stewart teach you and your friends how to cook while wearing little child-sized toques in your own house would probably have had a profound impact on you, too. And learn that some people think chicken on a Caesar salad is right (Jennifer) and some people think chicken on a Caesar salad is very very wrong (Alexis). Drool over a selection of Alexis' recipes, including the one for chocolate chip cookies she came up with at the age of thirteen.13. Travel alert: Ignore all signs for off ramps to Guilt. They will take you back to Shame and delay your journey.14. Arrive: "Drawing the Line at Fat Elbows." Another spoiler alert: Jenny did, and she lost over 70 pounds and changed her life. Body Image and Weight Loss chapter highlights include their unisex Rules for Looking Presentable and Not Repulsing People.15. Depart Body Image/Weight Loss. Arrive: Chapter 9: "The Devil Wore Palazzo Pants." You can certainly get fashion advice here but really, the highlight is the pictures. Hi. Freakin’. Larious.16. Prepare for final stop in WHATEVERLAND: "You're Only as Sick as Your Secrets." This amazing chapter catalogues Alexis’s and Jennifer's deepest, darkest secrets and personality quirks which should prove to you that learning to accept yourself for who you are -- however imperfect and odd you might be -- is the only way to go through the rest of your life.17. Park, check in, unpack your bags. You're going to like WHATEVERLAND and you won't want to go anywhere else. Enjoy.Description
Condition Guidelines
Books - New and Used
The following guidelines apply to books:
- New: A brand-new copy with cover and original protective wrapping intact. Books with markings of any kind on the cover or pages, books marked as "Bargain" or "Remainder," or with any other labels attached, may not be listed as New condition.
- Used - Good: All pages and cover are intact (including the dust cover, if applicable). Spine may show signs of wear. Pages may include limited notes and highlighting. May include "From the library of" labels. Shrink wrap, dust covers, or boxed set case may be missing. Item may be missing bundled media.
- Used - Acceptable: All pages and the cover are intact, but shrink wrap, dust covers, or boxed set case may be missing. Pages may include limited notes, highlighting, or minor water damage but the text is readable. Item may but the dust cover may be missing. Pages may include limited notes and highlighting, but the text cannot be obscured or unreadable.
Note: Some electronic material access codes are valid only for one user. For this reason, used books, including books listed in the Used – Like New condition, may not come with functional electronic material access codes.
Shipping & Delivery
Shipping Fees
- Stevens Books offers FREE SHIPPING everywhere in the United States for ALL non-book orders, and $3.99 for each book.
- Packages are shipped from Monday to Friday.
- No additional fees and charges.
Delivery Times
The usual time for processing an order is 24 hours (1 business day), but may vary depending on the availability of products ordered. This period excludes delivery times, which depend on your geographic location.
Estimated delivery times:
- Standard Shipping: 5-8 business days
- Expedited Shipping: 3-5 business days
Shipping method varies depending on what is being shipped.
Tracking
All orders are shipped with a tracking number. Once your order has left our warehouse, a confirmation e-mail with a tracking number will be sent to you. You will be able to track your package at all times.
Damaged Parcel
If your package has been delivered in a PO Box, please note that we are not responsible for any damage that may result (consequences of extreme temperatures, theft, etc.).
If you have any questions regarding shipping or want to know about the status of an order, please contact us or email to support@stevensbooks.com.
Returns & Refunds
You may return most items within 30 days of delivery for a full refund.
To be eligible for a return, your item must be unused and in the same condition that you received it. It must also be in the original packaging.
Several types of goods are exempt from being returned. Perishable goods such as food, flowers, newspapers or magazines cannot be returned. We also do not accept products that are intimate or sanitary goods, hazardous materials, or flammable liquids or gases.
Additional non-returnable items:
- Gift cards
- Downloadable software products
- Some health and personal care items
To complete your return, we require a tracking number, which shows the items which you already returned to us.
There are certain situations where only partial refunds are granted (if applicable)
- Book with obvious signs of use
- CD, DVD, VHS tape, software, video game, cassette tape, or vinyl record that has been opened
- Any item not in its original condition, is damaged or missing parts for reasons not due to our error
- Any item that is returned more than 30 days after delivery
Items returned to us as a result of our error will receive a full refund,some returns may be subject to a restocking fee of 7% of the total item price, please contact a customer care team member to see if your return is subject. Returns that arrived on time and were as described are subject to a restocking fee.
Items returned to us that were not the result of our error, including items returned to us due to an invalid or incomplete address, will be refunded the original item price less our standard restocking fees.
If the item is returned to us for any of the following reasons, a 15% restocking fee will be applied to your refund total and you will be asked to pay for return shipping:
- Item(s) no longer needed or wanted.
- Item(s) returned to us due to an invalid or incomplete address.
- Item(s) returned to us that were not a result of our error.
You should expect to receive your refund within four weeks of giving your package to the return shipper, however, in many cases you will receive a refund more quickly. This time period includes the transit time for us to receive your return from the shipper (5 to 10 business days), the time it takes us to process your return once we receive it (3 to 5 business days), and the time it takes your bank to process our refund request (5 to 10 business days).
If you need to return an item, please Contact Us with your order number and details about the product you would like to return. We will respond quickly with instructions for how to return items from your order.
Shipping Cost
We'll pay the return shipping costs if the return is a result of our error (you received an incorrect or defective item, etc.). In other cases, you will be responsible for paying for your own shipping costs for returning your item. Shipping costs are non-refundable. If you receive a refund, the cost of return shipping will be deducted from your refund.
Depending on where you live, the time it may take for your exchanged product to reach you, may vary.
If you are shipping an item over $75, you should consider using a trackable shipping service or purchasing shipping insurance. We don’t guarantee that we will receive your returned item.
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